Welcome

I hear Mieke saying: “Dad, you can do this.”

Today, Celine was supposed to be with Mieke, cycling through the Tulip fields in Holland between Wassenaar and Lisse. Mieke’s friend from the U.S. was to join them in Amsterdam where Mieke already had a printed welcome banner ready to display. Then they were to go to Leeuwarden where Mieke would guide a tour through her beloved town and university, NHL Stenden.

Alas, that wasn’t to be. Now, Celine and I are ghosts drifting without purpose or desire amongst friends and family who nurture us and cover us in blankets of love and compassion around our emptiness. Danique is also adrift; at times close, and at times, far.

Celine isn't here because she simply can't bear it. She wants everyone to know that Mieke was a good girl and wanted to live a good life. Mieke wanted to graduate so much. Mieke loved life. Celine wants everyone to know that she appreciates the abundance of support and love from you all even though she is unable to barely acknowledge.

You are here because you knew and loved Mieke. Today, right now, we join with reflections of Mieke, and share the grief, the immense loss, and the helplesses of the irreversibility of time, action, and inaction.

Several times I was asked whether we should call this a Celebration of Life. No. Absolutely not. This is a Memorial. She had her whole life in front of her. In her last few weeks she was finally living the college life and blossoming. The pandemic was finally easing after two years of isolation. This is a memorial of Mieke, the most beautiful person, who was just discovering what life could become.

Before turning our focus on Mieke, I will present the same speech I gave at Mieke’s university, NHL Stenden, addressed to her fellow students on Thursday, March 10; an impossible 4 days after her passing. This speech I direct to anyone coming of age or with a loved one coming of age.

Then I will share with you some of the unfettered joy and hope and struggle of Mieke, my Mieke, our Mieke.

NHL Stenden Memorial Speech

I speak for Celine, Mieke's mom, my beautiful wife. I stand with Danique, Mieke's big sis, "cheche" in Cantonese, Celine's native language.

Mieke, my love, mijn liefje, my friend, my daughter, our future. Shattered.

Mieke, you flew too close to the sun. Your wings melted. You fell to earth and we didn't catch you.

The four of us are no more. There is no ocean vast enough to hold all the pieces of our hearts. Our hearts cover all the mountains and rivers and streams of this earth and beyond. There is no place on earth without a memory of the past or future that will never be. There is no hole deep enough to hold our grief. This grief Mieke shares with all of you. I know that everyone who has ever known her is heart broken. This is the definition of a tragedy. Every parent's worst nightmare. The ironies I can't begin to explain. The arrow of time has punctured our hearts.

Mieke, we all need your strength and braveness right now. You were so brave since you were born and in the last few weeks blossoming like the spring flowers. It is painfully clear how much you are loved.

To begin to understand how special Mieke was you need to know that Mieke was a product of grand coincidences. Celine and I had a one in a million chance meeting in Guatemala through one of my college classmates from Carnegie Mellon in the U.S.A. Celine was born in a small town in Malaysia of Chinese descent. I was born in de Bilt, not too far from here. We were born at the opposite ends of the Earth. We had found our true loves.

Mieke was born in the spring of 2000. She was born in Winchester, Massachusetts. The day of the town fair. We were lucky to have stumbled on this small town near Boston where there was real community for Mieke to grow and be loved.

She was my buddy. Along with big sis, "cheche" we sledded down the hills in the snow we skated on the local ponds, like a good Dutch family. In the warmer seasons we biked and swam in the lakes and oceans together. Mieke and I went kitesurfing together. Mieke loved the asian smelly fruit, Durian, like a good Malaysian.

Mieke was our family ambassador from America to the beautiful town of Leeuwarden in the Netherlands. This would renew ties to family with common groot Opas and Omas. Her groot Opa was born in Franeker, close to here. Mieke boldly went forward.

NHL Stenden is a jewel, an undiscovered treasure in the north of the Netherlands. Modern and progressive, and international. For Mieke, it was the dream school. It was for all of us.

She amazed us how she stepped forward into leadership roles even though it was a huge challenge for her. She passed her business economics and was on her way to the next level. She was so proud of herself. We were so, so, so proud of her. After so much struggle with learning over so many years she was finally on her way. Her teachers and counselors were so kind and helpful.

In the last few months she found the most wonderful roommates. They laughed, and played and cooked fantastic meals together. This was the college experience we all wished for.

She loved the Friday markets in the historic town center. She sent us a video of her piggy back rides with her new roommates at night along the canals in town. Such a perfect college life was just starting.

Mieke was the kindest, most trusting person I know. The last time we talked the first thing she asked. Are you ok, dad?

Mieke had a golden heart. She was the one who asked her friend who was in his last weeks of life due to cancer to the high school Prom dance.

I know she would want something good to happen from this tragedy. So fellow students please learn from this.

The evidence shows that the rational behavioral part of the brain is not fully developed until the age of 25 or later. This means that your age group is vulnerable and you need to look after each other when things are not right. Seek help. Don't wait another day.

This will make this world a better place. I promise.

Understand true love and care for each other. Learn the skills to survive and excel in this world. And please, learn from my mistakes, Pay attention and intervene when necessary. Whether it's addiction, drinking and driving, or mental or physical abuse, or other instability, recognize the signs and please, please, take action. Don't wait another day.

To all of you students beware the risks of social sites. Understand the difference between your private inner circle and everyone else.

I call on all media to teach and not to sensationalize. Make the world a better place.

Everyone here has been so caring for the 3 of us who are left. We feel the love. Thank you NHL Stenden. Celine and I love you all very, very much. There are truly no more words.

You may not know that there are hundreds of friends and family in the US and Malaysia who watched Mieke grow from a small child into a wonderful woman and are grieving along with you.

True love. Golden heart. Bye bye Mieke, my love, our love, forever.

Remembrances

The last time Mieke and I hugged was Sept 4, 2021. As a family we sent her to the airport to go back to the Netherlands after spending the day doing what we loved. We walked up the hill in Powder House Square and we all sat on a bench together. We had a healthy lunch in Davis Square. It was a beautiful day.

The week before her flight Mieke and I did our very favorite things together.

We played tennis. I enjoyed rallying back and forth on the tennis court and soaking in her beautiful follow-through on her strokes. We were working on her hip rotation on her forehand to make the stroke absolutely perfect. Celine and I were so proud of her style that we had always lacked.

We swam. She indulged me in a distance swim around a lake and every time I paused to look at her she was always ahead, effortlessly gliding through the water. She would pause every once in a while and look back at me. It was serene and sublime.

We biked. Another day we all took the ferry to Martha’s Vineyard and cycled along the coast to towns and beaches. It was a perfect day.

We kiteboarded. Another day she and I went to our favorite kiteboarding spot. It was quiet and peaceful and yet there was enough wind. It was almost just the 2 of us. We alternated between kiting and wading in the warm end-of-summer water. Every run out I could feel her gaze and every run back I would watch her quietly standing in the waste deep water, ever so patient, ever so calm, ever so gracious. As the sun started to set and all the people went away it was just the 2 of us. We had our full for the day and packed the gear and headed home to Celine for a much appreciated family dinner and family togetherness in the evening. I can’t imagine a better heaven on Earth.

She loved life despite many struggles along the way. I believe that from her struggles came empathy. From empathy came trust. Unfortunately, at the age of 21, she was just starting to experience the full breadth of complexity in life. Tragically, too little, too late.

Mieke was a kinematic rather than conceptual learner. She had a beautiful grace and learned movements quickly. She also loved music and was often singing, playing piano, and creating videos to music. She applied her harmonious sense of style to her outfits as well as lifestyle.

She was always so eager to learn and open to new ideas. We revised her friend’s resume. She told me she was learning Chess. The day she died Mieke and I were supposed to discuss her new research topic. She was writing about Tinder. I didn’t have time to open her first draft, alas.

I could go on and on and soak in the memories of Mieke until I can no longer bear the loss. Rather than speak where no words suffice I have cobbled together some video segments. In those you may get tiny glimpses of who she really was and how she brought us so much joy over the almost 22 years of her life with us.

Dad

Acknowledgements to

Invitees for donating over $5k to International Fund for Animal Welfare (IFAW) on Mieke's behalf.

Wright-Locke Farm for donating the beautiful space.

OneZo Lowell Bubble Tea for donating the special tea that was Mieke's passion.

Ellen for providing 100 flowering tulip bulbs for people to enjoy and take home.

Family and friends for generous emotional and financial support and donations.

Many friends for organizing, A/V, designing and printing the posters, etc, etc, etc.

Mieke's aunt for being Master of Ceremony.

Cara for singing so beautifully.

NHL Stenden for all the care and support.

The many family and friends who spoke or attended to share this experience together.